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If only it was as simple as an annoying donkey living in an ogre’s swamp. Yes, I’m talking about Donkey and Shrek, the famous duo who first shared the big screen in 2001. Shrek tried pretty hard to keep Donkey away from his swamp for a while. But in the end, the two were inseparable, and Donkey became a genuine swamp ass.
Yes, I finally got there.
But seriously… How many of us have to deal with this annoying side effect that comes from being active, and sometimes, when you’re not even active at all? No matter what we do, it seems we still end up with the infamous butt sweat.
Swamp ass is the excessive sweaty sensation between the cheeks and it can come from biking miles upon miles, from sitting in a hot car when moisture builds up, and can happen as a result of running to catch your connecting train.
Many of us have been there and worried if those trailing us can see the wet outline of our “rank ravine”. Those are the days you hope you’re at least wearing dark-colored bottoms or luckily have a light jacket you can tie around your waist for the walk of shame (A.K.A. anywhere else that’s out of the sight of others).
Here are some tips to cut down on the uncomfortable side effects of swamp ass. Ready? Let’s go.
Yes, truth be told, I pack a spare pair of underwear for those times I feel it’s going to be a S.A.D. day (Swamp Ass Day).
Just a quick swap offers immediate dryness.
I’ve also learned there are particular types of underwear you can wear to alleviate some of the “swampiness.” Cotton, merino wool and other natural fibers, as well as moisture-wicking fabrics, are the best combatants in the battle of the swamp below.
Related Story: Why Do My Clothes Stink?
When I feel it’s going to be one of “those days” and I’m going somewhere I’m unsure where the bathroom is (although my “sweaty-butt syndrome” usually makes finding one my top priority), I try to gauge how much time I’ll need to get to the bathroom before it gets too uncomfortable. Then, I reduce the friction from the excess sweat by drying off with toilet paper.
Swamp ass prevention starts in the shower. To make sure you're properly eliminating the bacteria between the cheeks, clean your butt thoroughly each time you shower. Using a moisturizing and super sudsy natural soap will give you all hygiene you require while keeping your skin safe without irritating even the most sensitive places.
These Clean Cotton deodorant wipes fit in my pocket and literally save my hiney when I’m out and about and drying off just doesn’t cut it. Just a quick couple of swipes is all it takes to protect myself from sweaty butt smell for at least a few more hours!
Sitting for long periods of time during the day does NOT help. Thankfully, with the accessibility of standing desks, I’m able to utilize that tool often in the arsenal against swamp ass. The added breathability from standing does a lot to keep me less swampy.
I know I’m not alone in this fight and most people experience sweating near their nether regions. But, when it’s a battle with something below the belt, you can’t help but feel a bit isolated in your pursuit of personal peace.
I am able to minimize some of the effects of butt sweat using the tactics mentioned above so it’s at least not a visible flag of surrender to those around me.
Still, the stress of the stink this sweat causes puts me on constant alert. Hello?! This sweat isn’t coming from my pits or my feet…It’s coming from no man’s land!
That’s why using a deodorant I can apply right after showering that actually prevents odor in this swamp-prone area is key for me.
Now, interesting fun fact, the sweat glands (eccrine) near your butt are ones that secrete an odorless blend of water and salt to cool you down. Another interesting fact: your body’s stench actually occurs when the bacteria on your body digest your sweat. Sweat doesn’t come out already stinking.
I needed something that was going to actually target this bacteria that creates odor, and I was happy I came across this Unscented tube of whole body deodorant.
Now I can confidently enter any situation, whether familiar or not, and know I’ve got my donkey right where I want him.
You too may have felt like Shrek sometimes when you’ve tried your best to avoid swamp ass, but it kept coming around.
However, it doesn’t mean you have to smell like a swamp… or an ass. With these tips from someone who knows, you can eliminate the potential for embarrassment – despite all the conditions lining up in the donkey’s favor.